Who am I?

Briefly: I am a 46 year old, divorced underachiever from the Jersey Shore. I am not without ambition, I just have ambitions that don't serve the life style of N.J. I never wanted to do the whole "9 to 5 good union job that you hate and make up for it by getting drunk on the weekend to forget how miserable the other five days are." I want to work hard and be successful, but only at something I love. Unrealistic perhaps, but given 60 or so years on this rock called Earth it seems the best way to go.I never really succeeded at any employment, not do to a lack of intelligence, just a lack of enthusiasm. I envy people who seem to do well and be happy at any profession. I was just wired different, a genetic mutant with an artist's chromosome that gives me an insatiable need to be creative. The gene also forces me into bouts of depression and personal relationship trauma.
I have to be creating in order to be content. In New Jersey, artistic expression is seen as a mostly useless skill. Few are able to make a living from it, and others view it as practical as being able to curl your tongue into odds shapes. I tried working for a sign company, however the sign industry for the most part is the least creative visual art of them all. Make it cheap, easy to read, easy to install. Newspaper and magazines are about the same, here is your box, don't color outside the lines.