Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Things I don't like about NOLA

I have been raving about how much more I like New Orleans than New Jersey. I am not saying it's perfect. Here are a few of the things I don't like about the area:

* INFRASTRUCTURE The roads are so bad down here, I'm thinking about opening up a tire and shock garage. There are some roads that look like they belong in Baghdad, not Louisiana. Not far from here, there is a road leading to the bridge that looks like the San Andreas runs under it. I thought it might be a result of attention going to repairing the remaining Katrina damage. A native told me that the roads have always been this bad. Low taxes are great until they take out a tire. He did mention that the tax dollars did go to keeping the politicians driveways in great shape.

* COCKROACHES In Jersey we did have roaches, about the size of a cigarette butt. Down here I have seen some the size of my thumb. I know I heard one call me a "Damn Yankee" as I walked away.

* LITTLE GREEN LIZARDS Sure they are cute when they are trying to sell you car insurance. At first I thought the heat and humidly was causing hallucinations. Small green streaks darting about the lawn as I was mowing kept me questioning my decision to do drugs years ago. I don't care if you are Chuck Norris, the first time a green lizard darts across your shoe, you will scream like a girl.

* RACISM In New Jersey, most sides of race took everybody on a case by case basis. Sure you had racist members on both sides who decided they didn't like the other before they met. Down here, it's a given. I never felt such open hostility for no other reason than the color of my skin. Old times here are not forgotten.

* MUD BUGS When I was mowing the lawn, I would come across baseball size clumps of mud. At first I thought they were some sort of bee hive. My landlord Jackson told me they were Mudbugs. Do to the high water table these aquatic insects will build nests in the yard. By the way, when tourist come down here these bugs are sold to them as a delicacy known as CRAWFISH! New Orleans have been feeding bugs they find in their yards to tourists and making a fortune. Give you people enough booze, they will cook up and serve you the big ass cockroaches next.

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