I just said good bye to my 13 year old daughter tonight. This is the first time I've balled this millennium. I fought back the tears when I had to put my dog down. This was tougher. Tonight when she started crying I became a cloud burst. I could kick myself over poor choices and bad decisions that brought me to this circumstance, but I won't. Onward and forward.
Thru the tears and wails, she kept telling me how much I meant to her. I needed to hear that, right now I don't feel special to anyone else. The only ones who ever call me are collection agencies. I don't think that kid will ever know how many times she saved my life. The countless times I sat in my cab late at night on a dark street seriously thinking about ending my life. The few times I actually parked in Spring Lake on Pitney Ave watching the train fly past doing 45 mph and thinking how easy a few steps in front of it would be. Then one thing that kept me from doing it was the thought of my little girl crying like tonight when she found out Dad is hamburger on the Northeast corridor.
So New Orleans is option B. It's less messy. It's for the best for the both of us. Here in Jersey, I'll never stand a chance to put any money aside for her education. Hell, tonight I had to bum $20 from my friend and dispatcher Pat just to take her out to a good bye dinner at a diner. She deserves better. I expect in a year when she comes down to NOLA, to treat her to the best damn meal in New Orleans. Maybe I spring for her mom and step dad too.
We already spoke about when she's in college, she'll have a place for her and her friends to crash when they come down for Mardi Gras. (At least I'll be able to keep an eye on her) I won't go on about what a great kid she is. If I told you, you would see what brats your kids are and end up hating them. Really, mine is the best.
(BTW that's a rat peeking out of her shirt sleeve.)