The other night after I worked ten hours digging ditches in hard clay soil, I stopped by Waffle House for dinner. Waffle & Diane are great cooks, I usually eat 2 portions to their one. I dragged my aching body up the steps to be greeted by Diane with Advil and Doug with a shot of Vodka about 7 pm. We had a great meal of which I made sure there were no left overs.
About 11:00 pm I crawled down the steps to my car and started to drive home. On the way a NOLA policeman noticed I had a headlight out and stopped me. He asked if I had been drinking, I thought one shot four hours earlier would not qualify as a "night of drinking" so I replied no. I've watched the TV show COPS and know if I said "Just one" it would open up a whole can of worms. Up on the side walk to start testing my motor skills.
The eye test following the pen back and forth, failed. The test of standing on one leg with the foot out, failed. I was handcuffed and thrown into the back of a New Orleans squad car and taken downtown for a Breathalyzer. On the way I kept thinking, "Damn, Waffle pours a big shot."At the station I walked nine steps on the line, more coordination tests that I couldn't even pass with a full nights sleep and an Olympic coach training me. My legs and back were throbbing from riding a shovel all day. Now it was time for the blowing in the tube test, first time I ever did it. Really. Honest.
I could not imagine even one large shot four hours earlier still being in me. So as the cop prepared the machine I promised God everything from never to drink again to never picking my nose. I blew in the hose and cautiously leaned forward to see the results. It registered 0.00. The cop who stopped me asked if I had ever been hit in the head or have a neurological disorder. I told him that people have been asking me that for years. He said I should get it checked out. Another cop in the room commented "I guess you just can't walk and chew gum at the same time, huh boy?"
Yea, whatever, just take me back to my car. I was again handcuffed for the ride back, yea, handcuffed for having a headlight out. Put back in my car and got home an hour and twenty minutes later than if both of my head lights had worked. With a ticket for failing to maintain mechanical, which will be about as I had made that day for 10 hours of work.
I must point out that the police officer was very polite and courteous. We had pleasant conversations to the station and back to my car. A very professional law enforcement officer.
If you ever go to Houston, you better walk right,
you better not stagger, you better not fight.
Let the midnight special, shine her light on me
Let the midnight special, shine her ever-loving light on me